Inspired by this article on Buzzfeed, I decided to draft my own version of the things I think while running.
1. Whoot. Starting out. Let's get this Polar tracker started.
2. Oy. What is my house so far away from the running trail?
3. Uggh. Now I have to wait at the crosswalk. This kills the motivation.
4. Can I stop running yet? I'm tired.
5. And I'm finally to the trailhead.
6. Which way should I run?
7. Let's go this way.
8. Should I have run the other way first?
9. Yeah, that's right. Yield to the pedestrian in the crosswalk, bitch.
10. Hey, biker. You're supposed to tell me you're passing me. I don't want to die under your wheels.
11. Slow down, Chariots of Fire. This ain't the Olympics.
12. Man, that guy is rocking those Ranger panties. That is confidence.
13. I wish my thighs looked half as good as his.
14. I really should power walk during my walking breaks.
15. Ehh, I'll walk a little bit longer.
16. What is this doing to my pace?
17. It's all good. I just have to average 18 minutes a mile for this race.
18. Please control your dog.
19. I really need to make a better running playlist.
20. I am so out of shape.
21. Why is the bridge over the road so high?
22. Exhaust. Gross.
23. Whooo. Downhill
24. This stretch along the creek really smells.
25. Boo. Uphill.
26. Ugh. Another crosswalk.
27. Ugh. More uphill.
28. And we're walking.
29. Time to pick out a new playlist.
30. The hills. Why must the trail have so many hills?
31. I'm too tired to even powerwalk.
32. If I've burned 500 calories, what should I eat when I get home?
33. What is there to eat at home?
34. Where can I order delivery?
35. Does this hill ever end?
36. Why do people live up here?
37. And I'm to the interstate.
38. Almost time to turn around. Whoot.
39. Yikes. This mulch smells, too.
40. I wonder if anyone plans how to defend themselves from would-be attackers.
41. I'ma shank a bitch with my key if they jump me.
42. That probably won't work.
43. And we're turning around.
44. Ohh, the glories of running downhill.
45. Must. Not. Trip.
46. I wonder what it's like to run with small boobs.
47. Hmm, do I drink to make up those calories?
48. Nope. Saving them for food.
50. But really, I'm starving.
51. Water, you'll have to do for now.
52. Remind me again why I wanted to run a half-marathon.
53. Right. I want the Hokie Bird finisher medal.
54. And an excuse to visit Nashville.
55. I hate how running makes me have to pee.
56. I hate how I have to ration my water in order to not pee myself.
57. I wonder if marathon runners actually pee themselves.
58. That would suck.
59. I hate this.
60. Do people die from running?
61. If I die, I won't have to run home.
62. But I want to see Mac again. That's motivation to make it home.
63. The number of times I use the f-bomb whilst running is shameful.
64. Good thing my mother isn't here.
65. I am so glad I'm almost done.
66. Only a few more streets to go.
67. And I'm off the trail. Great success.
68. This bitch needs to learn to yield to a pedestrian.
69. Burger King, round two.
70. I don't know if this smell makes me more hungry or want to vomit.
71. This damned crosswalk again.
72. The relief of turning down your own street.
73. Don't even care. I'm walking back to the house.
74. Home. Finally.
75. Never doing this again. Oh, wait.